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Η περίοδος σχολιασμού και ψηφοφορίας για τον 63ο γενικό διαγωνισμό σύντομης ιστορίας λήγει την Παρασκευή 14 Νοεμβρίου. Για περισσότερες πληροφορίες κάντε κλικ εδώ. ×

Μία fantasy story


Elsanor

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Once upon a time, there was a great kingdom of Men grounded upon the

very summit of a tall mountain. The stone walls enclosed a fair and

joyous little town that housed, apart from human people, many sylvan

races, like elves and pixies and sprites and gnomes, all living in

harmony and peace.

 

Situated at the centre of the grand castle, a magnificent tower,

decorated with gold and silver and shinning white pearls, rose and

thrust into the lower clouds. Many windowed it was, and from its high

balconies many singing voices could be heard, chanting ancient and

forsaken rhythms, accompanied by the sweet music of harps and flutes.

Atop the tower walls and on many winding flags, the kingdom's device

was painted; with many bright and living-like colours and drawn with

great skill and care by a thousand artists: a white winged unicorn

before a green tapestry of changing hues.

 

Housed at the highest room of the king's tower, lay the sun-lighted

chambers of the royal princess, Miria. Being the only daughter of the

noble king Thalanos and the courteous queen Lamathilia, she was the

only heir to inherit her father's throne. So lovely her dark green eyes

were, pinpointing her radiant face framed by the flaming red halo of

her hair, that each man to look upon her was to stand enchanted, as if

by spell, by her fairness. So blessed she was; blessed, yes but also

cursed, for twenty summers she had beheld, more than needed to name her

of age, but of all the young princes she had met, none had held her

heart and mind in sway, and her father was juster than force upon her

a marriage just for politics. And so she waited, for she hoped that her

heart's chosen, the one that would claim her love would be brought by

fate before her, sooner or later.

 

* * * * *

 

A bright day was dawning and the young esquire of the king was bathing

the royal black stallion that was to bore his majesty on a ride to the

nearby forest. Nereth's eye barely left the noble beast, and afforded

a mere glance at the highest window of the tower, amidst the milky

white clouds. There, for just a moment he caught a glimpse of fair

Miria and his thundering heartbeat nearly tore his chest. O, how much

he loved the maiden! Alas, he reckoned he had no chance of ever being

able to just hold her in a loving embrace. Sighing, he carried on his

present errand and the king's horse made a small sound as if to

encourage his human friend. A little time had passed, and he was nearly

over, when desire overtook him. A tear escaped his eye, running down

his cheek and forming a glittering path, as he silently spoke his

thoughts aloud: "O, lady of my heart, how I wisheth I could be an eagle

so that I could fly to the flaming, all-consuming radiance thou, like a

sun, emit!"

 

"That is very good, Nereth!" he thought he heard a heavenly voice

utter beside him. "Your lady-love must be blessed indeed to have such

fair words spoken to her!" Turning slowly, as if in dream, he beheld

princess Miria smiling kindly at him. He just could not bare it,

trembling from the mere embarassement: she had just spoken his name,

and highly approved of what was meant for her! All he could do in order

not to show his total loss for words -as if his reddened , like a

blossomed flaming flower, face did not speak for it- was to formally

bow very low to express his loyalty and devotion. Miria replied with

just a nod of her head, a movement which let loose some red curls in

front of her face. "Well, is my horse ready? I am to ride in my

father's place today. Will you accompany me?" He could not believe it!

Now she was asking of him to guide her in the woods! Enforcing his wits,

and employing his social skills, he afforded a courteous smile and

politely replied: "I shall be honoured, lady." He quickly placed the

saddles and reins on their horses, and turned to aid the lovely princess

in riding her stallion, but she hopped up with ease and gave an impish

grin at the still with surprise esquire. "Come now Nereth," she said,

"try to keep up with me!", and with that she hastily ridded away. Nereth, still trying to comprehend so much in so little a time, awakened

from his thoughts and burst into movement.

 

They were long gone, galloping like the wind towards the Old Forest.

High on his tower, king Thalanos, eyeing the riding pair, could only

smile with contempt, as he went away from the window and was lost from

sight into the great tower...

 

 

Αρχικά να σας πω ότι το κειμενάκι το έγραψα πριν αρκετό καιρό και σας ζητώ να μου συγχωρήσετε τα όποια ορθογραφικά και γραμματικά λάθη που τυχόν μου ξέφυγαν. Θυμάμαι είχα κάτσει και το έγραψα τελείως αυτόματα χωρίς να σκεφτώ κάποιο πλάνο ή ιστορία. Απλώς μου βγείκε έτσι και έκανα λίγες διορθώσεις από το αρχικό κείμενο για να το διατηρήσω όπως ήταν.

 

Όπως βλέπετε έγραψα στα Αγγλικά και όχι στα Αμερικάνικα για αντίδραση! :p

 

Αυτό το κείμενο μαζί με δύο υποτυπώδεις συνέχειές του το έχω στείλει και στο rpg.gr. Από εκεί το πήρα αυτούσιο, για να μου δώσετε την κριτική σας. Τις συνέχειες δεν τις βάζω εδώ γιατί τις έγραψα μόνο και μόνο για να το συνεχίσω, δεν ήταν με καμία δύναμη αυθεντικές. :)

Edited by Elsanor
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Χμμμ παρατηρώ ότι οι παράγραφοι δε φαίνονται καθόλου έτσι όπως το έγραψα εδώ. Και δε μπορώ να το κάνω και edit. Sorry για τη χάλια εμφάνιση... :o

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Προφανώς γιατί είμαι βλάκας και δεν είδα το κουμπάκι "edit"... :D

 

Ελπίζω τώρα να φαίνεται καλύτερα.

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Το διάβασα. Και, όντως, τραβάει να γράψεις συνέχεια. Είσαι fan του Σέξπηρ, παρεμπιπτώντως; Σεξπηρικό κάπως έμοιαζε το όλο κομμάτι, και παραμυθένιο γενικά.

 

 

 

Αυτό εδώ

 

and her father was juster than force upon her a marriage just for politics

 

θα μπορούσες να το είχες γράψει

 

...and her father did not think it just to force upon her a political marriage...

 

Απλά, μια πρόταση. :)

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Όχι ιδιαίτερα, εφόσον δεν έχω διαβάσει αρκετά (ή όσο θα ήθελα). Απλώς τη μέρα που το έγραψα ήμουν σε μία τέτοια παραμυθένια φάση. :D

 

Ευχαριστώ και για την πρόταση! Μου άρεσε όμως πολύ το "juster than force", και δεν προτίμησα να χρησιμοποιήσω κάποιο επίθετο όπως το "political" επειδή χρησιμοποιείται αρκετά σήμερα και ήθελα να δώσω ένα αρχαιόμορφο τρόπο γραφής στο κείμενο για να φτιάξω την επιθυμητή ατμόσφαιρα! :)

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  • 10 months later...

Μου άρεσε! Είναι γλυκό και οι λέξεις καμπανίζουν όμορφα... Και μ' αρέσουν οι ρομαντικές ιστορίες. :wub:

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Σήμερα είναι η μέρα που πέρνω αμπάριζα ότι βρω και διαβάζω... Ωραίο, μου άρεσε, τελείως παραμύθι. Το έχεις τελιώσει, ή η συνέχεια σταματάει σε παρεμφερές σημείο; π΄νατως λέει σαν ιστορία.

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  • 1 month later...

Είχα προσπαθήσει να το προχωρήσω αλλά στην πορεία κατάλαβα ότι δε θα μου έβγαινε. Καλύτερα να μείνει έτσι, μία αρχή χωρίς συνέχεια. Ο καθένας είναι ελεύθερος να το συνεχίσει με τη φαντασία του. :)

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