Atrelegis Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 I don’t know how to start off with this, so I’m gonna get straight to the point: Hi, I’m Cthulhu, the Great Old One, the Terror from the Deep, etc. etc. Most of you will consider this a prank, since the REAL Cthulu would probably project this through your brains in a global scale, in a language that would drive your poor 3D brain nuts and have your memories boil behind your eyes. But instead, I address you in English. In a fucking ms word document. Now, most of you out there will wonder why I resolve to such mundane measures. The reason is that I know that by the time I did that, some asshole out there would probably print it in parchment paper and sell it on e-bay. That is why I chose to keep my dignity intact. Well, what’s left of it, anyway. You see, I hate you people. And believe me, you’re the first species to read that from me. I mean, you gotta be like…what? The billionth intelligent race that has shared this planet and will in time be trampled beneath my feet, blah-blah-blah…? But you know what? No. I won’t do that for you fuckers. And you know WHAT for? Cause I fucking hate you. No, I really mean it. This isn’t some Jehovah syndrome or some other apocalyptic prophecy. I just wanted to tell you how I feel. And after about a million years of evolution on your behalf, you have made me sick. I mean, once upon a time I was TERRIBLE. And I don’t mean some Friday the 13th crap. I mean I was the UNKNOWN, the horror, the God of the Bottomless depths, who would lie forever there until strange eons came to pass. People would see my ass in their dreams and claw their brains out, women would miscarry. I had cults of degenerates at my command an a few miles worth of ancient parchment of forbidden lore. Oh and did I mention R’Lye, my extradimensional fortress in the deep? You know how many races used to go insane at its appearance? But no, not you. You didn’t fear me, you didn’t tremble. Not even that sissy, Howard did when I popped up in his head and said “Boo”. That thing was enough to fry a man’s brains and render him unable to from another coherent thought in his brain. You know what he did? He wrote a bunch of books. I mean BOOKS! The son of a bitch never bothered to ask me if I wanted people to know about me. But he made sure everyone knew about me. So, he gets away with a death and a “I am Providence” sign and I end up with a world that KNOWS about me. So people were no longer afraid of me. Well actually they were, but mot as much. I mean, I popped out once out of R’Lye to take a peek and some fucking sailor drove a boat engine through my skull! He was scared shitless, but he did it anyway. And that was when I had my first real let-down. Now because he dissected my face, I am so beyond that, I mean, Space and Time came out when I was in kindergarten. But he HURT me. First time since the beginning of Time and someone actually hit me. So I decide to let it go, have a good decade’s sleep and take it like a man. So I wake up and you know what I see? PLUSHIES! GODDAMN PLUSHIES ON E-BAY! Am I a fucking TOY now? Something for school girls to play HOUSE with? And there’s keychains and mugs! I’m a fucking attraction! I, who was the annihilator of continua, am nothing more than fucking merchandise? And just when I began to think that you’d stop shoving my face in the dung, I saw the NERDS. Fucking nerds! Kids that make websites worshipping me! 1,000,000 matches in Google for fuck’s sake, made by a bunch of stupid kids that remix my ancient chants into carols or use them for choruses in their songs! They’re making FUN of me! They MOCK me! In conclusion, I’d like to say that I fucking hate you all. No, I really, fucking do. You degraded me, made me a toy, a freak show for your civilization, instead of respecting me for what I am. You ruined my pride and now you won’t leave me alone. So FUCK YOU, mankind. I’m going to bed now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trillian Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Mερικά ψιλά λαθάκια εδώ κι εκεί, αλλά τίποτα σπουδαίο, άλλωστε ένας θυμωμένος πανάρχαιος και παντοδύναμος δικαιούται να κάνει λάθη Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabrathan Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Υπέροχο. Εύγε αγόραρε. Ειδικά εκεί με το Boat engine through skull and keychain thingies, σόλαρες. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ymeο gamawa Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 ατρε.. εισαι ο γαμαουα! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atrelegis Posted February 20, 2006 Author Share Posted February 20, 2006 ατρε.. εισαι ο γαμαουα! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Throgos Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Πες τα, πες τα ρε Χθλχθου! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Βάρδος Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taliesin Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Πρώτα η Καφριλονία. Μετά αυτό. the force is strong with this one.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RaspK Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 Περιττό να σου πω ότι είναι All-Time Classic απλά και μόνο επειδή υπάρχει, έε; Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
month Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 Evil!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nienna Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 Συμπαθητικούλι είναι, γέλασα. Έχει πάντως διάφορα λαθάκια, αν και δεν νομίζω πως σε νοιάζουν ιδιαίτερα. [Κάτι an αντί για and, τέτοια λαθάκια]. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dagoncult Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 Υπάρχουν λαθάκια εδώ κι εκεί, αλλά είναι οκ. Ο Κ τα λέει σταράτα εδώ, σε ένα σύντομο και πλακατζίδικο κείμενο. Μια χαρά. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Solonor Posted January 14, 2010 Share Posted January 14, 2010 Όντως, επικό κείμενο! θα το παρατούσα με το που είδα πως είναι αγγλικά, αλλά το I don’t know how to start off with this, so I’m gonna get straight to the point: Hi, I’m Cthulhu, the Great Old One, the Terror from the Deep, etc. etc. Δλδ, οκ, πάσο! Εύγε! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sylook Posted January 15, 2010 Share Posted January 15, 2010 Τα' σπασες! Εύγε... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Anime_Overlord Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 Τι μαθαίνουμε από αυτήν την ιστορία; Ότι η εμπορευματοποίηση είναι η επίλυση κάθε φόβου. Εύγε, γέλασα πολύ. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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