Scriptum

[RaspK]

[italics signify corrections to the original; my thanks to Narualis for pointing them out ]

 

I remember the first time I met you, long ago, it seems...

 

To be honest with l' histoire, I was not sure of what I should be making of you: even then, and despite the sharp wit before my eyes, you felt like a child lost in its cloud up in the sky. One of the few times that I knew that my liking the person I met could very well be a dramatic moment in the future.

 

Little did I know back then of the intuition that slumbered, the cat-nap it was in, yet tapping on my mind's eye when I did not expect it - when consciousness escaped my attention for a moment or more.

 

Call me a fool, but I always love the people that are meant to become close to me at first sight; not falling in love with them, not necessarily. Still, it's somewhat difficult to explain to the world how I came to consider every single one of those people I think of as true friends to be such - or more, at times.

 

A blessing and a curse, loving so easily.

 

The time passed with wine slushing in our glasses and down our throats, we choked at foolish remarks, eyes glancing and peering deep in each other's soul... Not just you and me, but the whole lot of us back then.

 

And I hold so much dear from those days back then...

 

You see, I had lost myself back then.

 

Now, we find ourselves with mangled hearts and scattered minds but, deep down, I know we can move on once more...

 

Just as we did in the past.

 

And, if moving on means to go back and patch things up or offer them the blow of grace, then so be it!

Edited March 19, 2007 by RaspK FOG

[Naroualis]

Πολύς κόσμος γράφει τις προσωπικές του εμπειρίες, λίγοι καταφέρνουν να μου τραβήξουν την προσοχή κι ακόμη λιγότεροι όταν το κείμενό τους είναι σε άλλη γλώσσα. Δεν ξέρω αν αυτό μπορεί να σου πει τι πήρα από το κείμενό σου, όμως δεν είμαι σίγουρη ότι μπορώ να το πω διαφορετικά.

 

Μια παρατηρησούλα: στο

 

even then, and despite the sharp wit in front of me, you felt like a child lost in its cloud up in the sky. One of the few times that I knew that my liking the person I met in front of me could very well be a dramatic moment in the future

 

Η επανάληψη της έκφρασης "in front of me" είναι άκομψη. Να προτείνω το

 

my liking the person I was looking at

 

Ομοίως η λέξη consider στη μεθεπόμενη παράγραφο.

 

Ταύτα.

[month]

Δεν μου έρχεται κάτι καλύτερο στο μυαλό μου αυτή την στιγμή για να σου πω την αλήθεια. Ίσως είναι και καλύτερο αυτό. Πάντως είναι σωστά γραμμένο, κατά την άποψή μου.

[RaspK]

Για να είμαι ειλικρινής, βρίσκω ιδιαίτερα ευχάριστη την προσοχή σας στο κείμενο - δε θα μπορούσα να ζητήσω κάτι παραπάνω!

 

Θα εξετάσω τις επαναλήψεις που παρατήρησες, Ευθυμία, και θα κάνω τις όποιες διορθώσεις στις οποίες μπορώ να καταλήξω. Ευχαριστώ δεόντως για την πρότασή σου.