The Chronicles of Laira (1ο μέρος)

[Sonya]

Όνομα Συγγραφέα: Sonya

Είδος: d&d fantasy

Βία; όχι ακόμα

Σεξ; όχι ακόμα

Αριθμός Λέξεων: 2.322

Αυτοτελής; Όχι, 1ο μέρος

Σχόλια: Μια ιστορία d&d σε κόσμο επινόησης του dm, ο οποίος έπαιζε τον χαρακτήρα Gilthanas. Εγώ έπαιζα την Laira (προφανώς :Ρ) κι ο κολλητός μου (Darius για το φόρουμ) τον Sirdan. Η ιστορία κι η δημιουργία αυτού του κόσμου πάνε πολλά χρόνια πίσω, όταν ο dm κι οι δυο κολλητοί του φίλοι ξεκίνησαν απ' το πουθενά έναν κόσμο και παίζοντας 4 συναπτά έτη δημιούργησαν ένα απ' τα πιο προσεγμένα περιβάλλοντα περιπέτειας και rp. Δεν υπάρχουν λόγια ικανά να περιγράψουν την ευρηματικότητα, την φαντασία και την ευφυία του dm, μακάρι να καταφέρω μέσα απ' τα Χρονικά της Λάιρα να σας μεταδώσω έστω ένα απειροελάχιστο κομμάτι των απίστευτων σε rp sessions και του Gilthanas, του χαρακτήρα τον οποίο, σαν Χριστίνα, χαίρομαι ιδιαιτέρως που δεν υπάρχει στην πραγματικότητα γιατί θα τον ερωτευόμουν τόσο παράφορα που θα έχανα τον κόσμο και τον εαυτό μου μαζί.

 

Terpera, the 25^th of Sercim, 534^th year of the reign of Emperor Lathaniel

 

Last night, my new life began. I finally reached my destination and found he whom I desired to be my tutor, a bard, a rogue, a rascal, the master of the Bladers, a chaser of females (and not only females), a panderer of many of them, by some the best bard they ever heard, by some the worst, most untalented elf, Master Gilthanas.

 

I was wandering in the woods; a few miles walk from the big city, when I saw someone, swearing bitterly (though from some unfortunate events, which I will narrate later, I lost the parchments on which I had recorded his most interesting curses). I approached this elf and the acquaintance took place immediately. He was Sirdan, an apprentice wizard of the School, picking mushroom for his master. I told him that I was going to the city to become a true bard, under the teachings of Gilthanas. Sirdan looked most unhappy to hear this. He warned me about the reputation that followed Gilthanas and I was most distressed to find that Lebelin, who was the only elf to have left our small village and still remain my dear friend, had made so wrong a choice, as to recommend me this particular elf as a tutor. That could mean either that he had purposefully deceived me in order to return to the village and remain there (which I would not even consider as a possibility) or that he was not sensible himself of Gilthanas’s reputation (which did not make sense, since everybody seemed to know what he was). A third possibility was that these rumors were falsehood, in order to ruin Gilthanas’s reputation. But, since I had now no choice but to go to Gilthanas myself, this I would soon find out.

 

Sirdan proposed that I should go to the city with him and find a job as a waitress, but this I had no desire to do. I had not left an infamous life in the village in order to embrace an equally infamous life in the city. The great Teacher could not receive me, since I had not attended the School; therefore I had no choice but to go to Gilthanas. Sirdan realized that I was determined and he was so obliging as to escort me to the Guild of the Bladers, Gilthanas’s residence.

 

We had an accident on the road; Sirdan’s horse was injured, so he too had to remain with the Bladers for the night. I was extremely sorry, for he had only three days to complete his exercise with the mushroom and this would delay him, but I must confess that I felt very much afraid to be alone and his presence was not at all undesired. At last, we reached the Guild.

 

Master Gilthanas received us and from the first moment I beheld him, fear overcame me. He wore a hideous, most terrifying mask which covered his features. He wore black, leather, extremely tight uniform, black boots, with daggers serving as heels. Furthermore, he thought that I desired to be his disciple as a Blader and his whole behaviour was brutal. Soon, with Sirdan doing most of the talking (I am most embarrassed to admit it, but the truth is that I was frozen by fear and could barely speak or move), he understood that I desired to become a bard and so, with alarming gaiety, removed the mask. I must admit that his face is a poem of its own, with almost angelic beauty and long, blond hair. But, although his features were extremely handsome, his whole countenance had something cynical and provoking and I could hardly call him amiable.

 

He desired me to have a bath, before doing any talking. I was most embarrassed and rather vexed that he should bring up such a delicate subject with such lack of delicacy! I wish not to recall his expression, for, even though I was and felt dirty from my long journey and my dress and shoes were completely torn, I deserved not such words…

 

He escorted me to a bathroom and would not depart, until I was clean. That meant, of course, that he remained in there during my bath. I felt so embarrassed that a male would watch me undressed, but I had no choice but to accept. During the bath, he insisted on me being calm and relaxed and could not understand why his presence produced an opposite result. At last, all embarrassment was spent and I managed to boldly look him in the eye while he was watching me. He thought his duty to relax my muscles and so he produced from his uniform (I will never understand how he can hide things in so tight an outfit) a bottle of essential oils, which he threw in the water, before starting to (oh dear) massage my exposed shoulders and neck.

 

That is something that I should very much like to forget, if I wish to retain my dignity and self respect, but through my fear for him, desire appeared and I had to use all my willpower in order not to surrender. I take praise that I did not yield, even though I was tested physically by his touch and mentally by the beautiful poems escorting the massage. I could not even think to counter such beauty of verse, but I must admit that the very wish to do so prevented me and protected me from giving myself to him. After something that looked like an eternity, I was finally clean and acceptable.

 

Gilthanas declared that he accepted me as a disciple; he gave me new clothes (without underwear) and burned everything that I had (including my most lamented parchments). He then provided me even with jewelry, even though I made it clear that I had nothing to give him in return. I must confess that this gesture flattered me and I would have been most obliged, had he not carried such an improper behaviour. He provided me also with a new, silver lyre, since my own was homemade and its sound was very plain.

 

Gilthanas wished then to know my name, since that information had not interested him from the beginning. His reaction at hearing that my name was Bramilen, was most unkind. He said that this name was more fitting for a cow and urged me to pick a new one. I proposed the name Laira, which he approved, as a very appropriate name for a bard. So, from now on, with that name I will be introduced.

 

The first thing he told me, after showing me my new room, was that everybody in the Guild slept naked and I had, therefore, no need for underwear. He kindly suggested that I should put out all lights and leave the door unlocked and not remove the ladder from my window, so that there could be access to my room which would not cause embarrassment to he who would wish to enter. My embarrassment from such a visit was not at all mentioned.

 

After that, I felt more afraid than ever and I insisted on seeing Sirdan before going to sleep. Gilthanas took me to his room and, against my kind advice not to wake him, had he been asleep, shouted in his ear. My recent friend awoke immediately and I had a chance to confess my fears to him. He told me that he could not be spared from his duties, but I would be able to find him in the city whenever I desired. All that conversation took place on parchments, since I did not wish to be overheard, but my master read them anyway. I was then led back to my ro0m, where I waited awake for some time. When I had made sure that I was alone, I left and went back to Sirdan’s room. I was very sorry to wake him once again, but I was too much afraid to sleep alone. He was very gentle and offered me his bed, declaring that he would study instead. Most tired of this very long day, I slept almost immediately.

 

I had a most dreadful awakening! A bell rang and I realized that I was not alone in bed, since Gilthanas awoke beside me. I was terrified, but it was he who started shouting what I was doing in his bed! I checked and saw that I was still in Sirdan’s room, but my master insisted that all beds in the Guild were his, so I was in his bed. So early in the morning, I was not ready for such an argument and, after I made sure that all my clothes still covered my body, I got up in silence.

 

After breakfast, Sirdan, to my greatest discomfort, had to depart, leaving me alone with Gilthanas. My master offered us a song, even more beautiful than the verses of the previous night, after which Sirdan left. He promised me that he would come and see me as often as he could be spared from duty and I promised to go and find him at the ‘Scroll and Quill’, the wizards’ tavern.

 

We were then left all alone. My master observed my fear and I did not try to conceal my sentiments. He also observed that I was not addressing him by his name, but by his title according to me, ‘Master’. I assured him that as an artist he had my full respect, but as a person I was too much afraid of him to claim or attempt partiality. Gilthanas only smiled and took me by the hand, in order to proceed to our first lesson.

 

He took me to a pentagonal room, which was decorated with beautiful everyday scenes. He produced another bottle from his uniform and, with a procedure which I did not understand, the upper half of his uniform melted like a liquid and moved into the bottle. He stood there, in front of me, half naked, with tribal tattoos covering his, I have to admit, flawless body. He urged me to touch him. I felt completely lost, but was firm in my determination not to be physically involved with him. I could not resist touching the tattoos, though, they had some kind of magic that I could not understand.

 

When I laid my fingers on them, they produced an enormous light, almost blinding and I lost every sense of time or space. Indeed, we were no longer in the pentagonal room, but in the skies and it was not day anymore, the stars were shinning. Gilthanas had wings of light on his back and he was holding me gently by the waist. I have never beheld anything more beautiful in my life. I think I never will either. He was shinning, he looked almost divine. He asked me to let go of my fear, to let loose my heart. Fearing still that he would take advantage of me if I did as he bid me, I refused in my heart to let go of my will and soon found myself falling from this beautiful dream to the worst nightmare. He let go of me and, since I did not have wings, fell towards the open mouth of a hideous monster lurking under us. Immediately I did exactly what he desired me to do and, somehow, wings appeared on my back. Most thrilled, I started to fly around, enjoying with my entire existence this absolute freedom. My master waited for me to return to him and when I did so, he took me higher to the stars. With his soft voice, he explained me (and I beheld it myself) that the stars were nothing more than ships, carrying the souls of the elves who wish to depart from our world, our deceased. I was left speechless, as he explained me that the duty of a bard is to embrace and demonstrate the beauty of absolute freedom. Then, we returned to the pentagonal room, my master was dressed again and he told me that our lesson was over. It was afternoon. I asked for parchments, ink and quills and was provided with all.

 

Now, I am sitting in my own room, all alone and, for a mysterious reason, pretty sure that I will not be interrupted. Not only have I to record the facts, but to also try and organize my own feelings. I lived in a day more than I had lived all the years of my life. I have kept (and swore to keep for a very long time) my body to myself, but I fear for my heart. I fear for many things. Maybe this freedom which my master worships is nothing more than lack of fear.

 

I chase freedom. Maybe not the kind of freedom that is so pleasing to Gilthanas, but a freedom of my own. The freedom to discover myself and retain my truth in this most corrupted environment. Lebelin had once sung for me a song about loving only once and giving the body along with the soul. That is one truth that leads to my freedom.

 

If there is one thing

Above all other things

That is not passion

That is not love

That is the sense of the divine.

I cannot tell truth from falsehood.

I cannot know reality from imagination.

I can only recall

And feel again

What then I had felt.

A single touch and a journey began.

Through your marks I saw the stars

All of them ships, carrying the souls of the deceased

To a place whose beauty is unbearable to behold.

Was it a dream, or a nightmare?

I know not.

I care not.

I had wings on my shoulder blades

And you had light on yours.

Higher and higher together we flew

Above this earth,

Towards freedom.

[Tiessa]

Λοιπόν, εγώ θα ήθελα να δω περισσότερα απ' αυτή την περιπέτεια, όχι μόνο επειδή είχε μια ενδιαφέρουσα και ασυνήθιστη αρχή, αλλά επειδή μου θυμίζει την εποχή πριν από 22 χρόνια που είχα παίξει κι εγώ για λίγο d&d και είχα αρχίσει σε πολύ μικρό χρονικό διάστημα να ταυτίζομαι με την persona που είχα διαλέξει. Δυστυχώς, εμάς δε μας φτούρισε να συνεχίσουμε για πολύ καιρό. Ο dm μας εγκατέλειψε λόγω πολλών υποχρεώσεων και κανένας μας δεν ήταν αρκετά έμπειρος για να αναλάβει.

Πίσω στο θέμα μας όμως...

Βλέπω κατ' αρχήν ότι το κείμενο ρέει πολύ καλά κι ας είναι γραμμένο στ' αγγλικά. Και παρόλο που διαβάζεται άνετα δεν είναι απλοϊκό στην επιλογή των λέξεών του, κι αυτό είναι σημαντικό.

Επίσης μου αρέσει η επιθετική αρχή που κάνει ο Gilthanas και στην επιβολή του δικού του συστήματος μέσα στο χώρο του αλλά και στον τρόπο που αρχίζει και διδάσκει την Τέχνη. Και ήδη η περιρρέουσα ερωτική ατμόσφαιρα αρχίζει και κεντρίζει το ενδιαφέρον, έστω και αν υποψιάζομαι ότι δε θα δούμε άμεσες εξελίξεις.

Πάντως, με τόσο δυναμική αρχή, θέλω να πιστεύω ότι παρακάτω θα γίνει χαμός. Δεν μπορώ να εκφέρω γνώμη πάνω στην υπόθεση ακόμη -είναι πάρα πολύ νωρίς. Επίσης δεν έχουμε προλάβει να δούμε να ξετυλίγεται ο κόσμος πίσω από το παραμύθι. Να ελπίζω ότι θα έχουμε κάποια συνέχεια σύντομα;

[Sonya]

Did you indeed find it interesting and intriguing? I am most obliged by your good-natured comments. I only needed encouragement to continue the Chronicles. Pray, do look for the second part in the Library.

[DinMacXanthi]

Λοιπόν... σχολιασμός για το part 1.

 

(δεν έβρισκα το εμοτικον για το φτυάρι... το προσπερνάω με κοφτή και εσωτερική τρίπλα... Α κάτσε, να ένα που ταιριάζει

 

 

 

Για την γλώσσα δεν έχω πολλά να πω, ξεκάθαρα έχουμε να κάνουμε με μια πένα που κατέχει την της Γηραιάς Αλβιόνης ομιλούσα.

Η ιστορία δουλεύει πολύ καλά σαν εισαγωγή κάτι μεγαλύτερου. Σε γνωστά μονοπάτια (κοπέλα με όνειρα φεύγει από το χωριό της ψάχνοντας το όνειρο) και συναντάει και τον... πως να τον

χαρακτηρίσω... Γκρίζης υπόστασης guildmaster με τους περίεργους κανόνες και την φαινομενική έλλειψη...χμμ...τρόπων; Conduct; Το άρλεκιν γράφεται μόνο του ως τώρα. Κάπου εκεί όμως εμφανίζεται η Sonya με το σκοινί, περνάει μέσα από το παράθυρο, και με ένα γερό κροσέ στην συναισθηματική συγγραφέα που κάθεται μπροστά στην Ρέμινγκτον γραφομηχανή, την βγάζει εκτός μάχης, πετάει έξω από το σπασμένο παράθυρο τα αρωματικά έλαια και τα φρεσκοκομμένα ανθάκια, και κάθεται να γράψει καθαρόαιμο fantasy.

Ωραία, παρά το ότι έχουμε περιγραφή καθαρά από την πλευρά της Λάιρας, θα μπορούσες να κόψεις το (sexual) tension με ένα spork. Ο Γκιλθάνας κερδίζει τις εντυπώσεις σ'αυτό το κομμάτι, με τα διάφορα τερτίπια του και τον χαρακτήρα που τραβάει το μάτι όπως και να το κάνουμε. Φυσικά ως νεαρή και άγουρη, η Λάιρα είναι λογικό απλά να κοιτάει. Περιμένουμε να ενδυναμωθεί στα επόμενα.

 

Ενδιαφέρον σημείο το ότι η Λάιρα νιώθει πράγματα και βλέπουμε τις σκέψεις της (αφού είναι και ο narrator) αλλά ενώ κάνει ελάχιστα πράγματα δείχνει ολοκληρωμένη χαρακτήρας, ενώ για τον Γκιλθάνας, δεν βλέπουμε καμία από τις σκέψεις του αλλά η φυσική του υπόσταση και όλα αυτά που κάνει τον ζωντανεύουν. Δεν ξέρω αν το παραπάνω βγάζει νόημα, απλά μπορώ να το συνοψίσω με 2 λέξεις και ίσως βγάλει περισσότερο νόημα:

Η Λάιρα σκέφτεται.

Ο Γκιλ κάνει.

2 χαρακτήρες που αλληλοσυμπληρώνονται. Η τελευταία σκηνή είναι και η κορωνίδα της ιστορίας (μαζί με τους υπέροχους στίχους) και σε στέλνει με την μια στο part2.

Ορθογραφικά, γραμματικά, συντακτικά αποστέλνονται στην συγγραφέα για άμεση αποκατάσταση και επισκευή. (ναι, και τα 2 λάθη.)

Αν η Στέφανι Μάιερ κατάφερε να κάνει μπεστ-σέλλερ το... twilight, τι να πω... Σόνια βάλε μπρος να τελειώνεις με τα Χρονικά, μετέτρεψα τα σε μυθιστόρημα και στείλτα έξω. Αν μπορείς να τα αποκολλήσεις από τον κόσμο του rpg (ο ομφάλιος αυτός λώρος δεν σου χρειάζεται) στέκονται στον δικό τους κόσμο αγέρωχα.

Άξια. Πάω στο 2ο κομμάτι τώρα, σχολιασμός αργότερα.

Edited January 11, 2009 by Dinosxanthi

[constantinos]

Σόνια γεια σου. Διάβασα την ιστορία σου και εντυπωσιάστηκα από το επίπεδο των Αγγλικών σου. Είσαι native speaker;

 

Anyway, η ατμόσφαιρα που φτιάχνεις είναι ουάου και πολύ sensual. Δεν έχω διαβάσει ακόμα το δεύτερο μέρος (λίγος χρόνος) αλλά μου θύμισε την ατμόσφαιρα που φτιάχνει η Αν Ράις στις ιστορίες της και θα έπρεπε να επενδύσεις σ’ αυτήν. Φυσικά η εκλεπτυσμένη υπεροψία κι ανωτερότητα του Gilthanas συν την ακόρεστη και προς όλες τις κατευθύνσεις (αν κατάλαβα καλά) σεξουαλικότητα του είναι το καλύτερο. Άσε που μ’ αρέσουν οι γκρίζοι χαρακτήρες που σου δείχνουν τα ελαττώματα τους. Είναι πιο τίμιοι τελικά…

 

Ελπίζω μονάχα να κάνεις στο τέλος εξίσου edgy και την Laira.

[Sonya]

α) Ευχαριστώ για τα σχόλια και τα καλά σας λόγια.

β) Όχι, Κωνσταντίνε, δεν είμαι native speaker, ούτε καν απόφοιτη της Αγγλικής Φιλολογίας. Είμαι απλά ένα ψώνιο του κερατά, πορωμένο με τ' αγγλικά, και δη με το βικτωριανό ύφος και λεξιλόγιο (και έχω τον Ντίνο Ξ. για τις διορθώσεις που είναι πιο πειραγμένος από μένα και μάλιστα με πτυχία να το αποδεικνύουν :Ρ) και μόλις ψωνίστηκα λίγο περισσότερο που με έκανες native speaker.

γ) Θα το πω για ακόμα μια φορά: ο Master Gilthanas είναι ΘΕΟΜΟΥΡΛΟΣ. Δεν υπάρχει άλλη εξήγηση γι αυτά που βάζει τον κακόμοιρο τον χαρακτήρα μου και περνάει... Αλλά ο μαζοχισμός είναι υποχρέωση κάθε adventurer που σέβεται τον εαυτό του (και κάθε παίχτη που δεν έχει κανέναν απολύτως αυτοσεβασμό κι αποτελεί έρμαιο του dm ), γι αυτό κι εγώ (και η Laira μαζί μου) είμαστε τρελές και παλαβές για την πάρτη του.

δ) Καλά έχεις καταλάβει. Ότι κουνιέται, πηδιέται. Τέλος.

ε) Και κάτι για την Laira (γιατί πολύ παραπεταμένη μου φαίνεται, ακόμα κι από μένα που την παίζω :Ρ) Spoiler alert! Ενημερώνω τους αναγνώστες ότι, βάση της εξέλιξης που έχει παιχτεί, αλλά δεν έχει γραφτεί so far (και έχω χάσει και τα λογκς, ΓΚΡ, αλλά ευτυχώς έχουν χαραχτεί τα πάντα ανεξίτηλα στην σακατεμένη μου ψυχολογία), θα καταλήξει χειρότερη απ' αυτόν. Νομίζω πως θα τον ξεπεράσει μέχρι και στην παράνοια. :Ρ

Edited January 12, 2009 by Sonya

[DinMacXanthi]

δ) Καλά έχεις καταλάβει. Ότι κουνιέται, πηδιέται. Τέλος.

 

For shaaaame!!! Βικτωριανές διδαχές σου λέει μετά! Η Jane Austen και οι αδελφές Bronte γυρνούν στον τάφο τους με τέτοια ταχύτητα που παράγουν ηλεκτρισμό! Είναι σίγουρο ότι δεν έφτιαξες dwarf χαρακτήρα και απλά μας την παρουσιάζεις για halfelf και ξέρω γω; Φήμες λένε ότι ο αγαπημένος σου χαρακτήρας είναι μια dwarf drunkard lvl15 αλλά δεν βρίσκεις DMs που να την αντέχουν...

[Sonya]

For shaaaame!!! Βικτωριανές διδαχές σου λέει μετά! Η Jane Austen και οι αδελφές Bronte γυρνούν στον τάφο τους με τέτοια ταχύτητα που παράγουν ηλεκτρισμό! Είναι σίγουρο ότι δεν έφτιαξες dwarf χαρακτήρα και απλά μας την παρουσιάζεις για halfelf και ξέρω γω; Φήμες λένε ότι ο αγαπημένος σου χαρακτήρας είναι μια dwarf drunkard lvl15 αλλά δεν βρίσκεις DMs που να την αντέχουν...

 

POR FAVOR!!! Σαφώς κι αυτό δεν αναφερόταν στην Laira, αλλά στον Gilthanas!!! H Laira η φουκαριάρα είναι παρθένα!! Φτου κακά, να νομίσεις τέτοιο πράγμα για το κοριτσάκι...

 

Φήμες λένε ότι ο αγαπημένος σου χαρακτήρας είναι μια dwarf drunkard lvl15 αλλά δεν βρίσκεις DMs που να την αντέχουν.

 

Φήμες λένε ότι αυτό είμαι εγώ. Ακόμα και στο μπόι. Μου λείπει το μούσι, αλλά, αντίθετα με την Littlebottom, δεν είμαι ενάντια στο ξούρισμα (κόντρα, κατά προτίμηση :Ρ)

Edited January 12, 2009 by Sonya