The chronicles of Laira (5ο μέρος)

[Sonya]

Όνομα Συγγραφέα: Sonya

Είδος: φαντασία

Βία; ναι

Σεξ; ίσως

Αριθμός Λέξεων: 2.285

Αυτοτελής; Οχι, 5ο μέρος

 

 

Naria, the 5^th of Prestilo, 534^th year of the reign of Emperor Lathaniel.

 

 

What is happening to me? Is he doing anything to my brain, or is this all happening? What is happening? What is real? I cannot tell anymore.

 

A few nights ago, I was expecting Gilthanas to come and take me with him when he would kill the rapists. I waited and waited, but the moon had risen and the hour was growing late, but still he did not come. That made me really nervous and I kept walking up and down in my room, waiting for any sign of his presence. At last, I heard a noise from the closet and, still very upset and unwilling to let go of the events of the morning, I just opened it turned my back on it and started putting on my cloak. Yet, no one came out of the closet and, even more upset, I turned to close it.

 

Dear Tempus, what in the gods’ name was this that I beheld? My corpse, my own dead body hanging in the closet. Suppressing an urge to vomit, I shut the door and went to the window, to avoid the stench. My heartbeats I could not control, but I used all my willpower in order not to show my emotions. I kept hearing creaking noises and whispers from the closet and I shut my eyes, silently praying that it would stop, it would go away. When I could not bear it any longer, I went out of the room in search of anything that would distract me from that awful image.

 

I started walking at the corridors, looking for that door that I had found a few days before, the door that led to the roof. In vain, though, for I could find no such door as I recalled. I did find a staircase, though, and so, once again my footsteps led me to the roof of the guild. Silently, I climbed the last stairs and I was once again there. Strange, but the rooftop did not at all look like it did a few nights before. But, then again, I had not paid so much attention and the entrance I had found was very different.

 

Gilthanas was not there. A Blader was and, when I approached, turned his head towards me. He kindly asked me what I was doing there and I said that I needed some fresh air and solitude. He looked at me as if I was insane, but his voice was very calm when he suggested the library as a very solitary refuge where I could spend my night, saying that I should not be at the rooftop, since it was cold and he was keeping guard. I thanked him for his suggestion and went to the library, not wishing to disturb him on his duty.

 

The library was indeed the most solitary place in the guild. Determined not to return to my room at all that night, certain that Gilthanas was playing some kind of trick to me, I started looking around for a book to read. I found one that had my name on it. I purposefully ignored it, even though my curiosity was rather strong, and picked one with poems and songs. It seemed like a good book to distract me and keep me company until morning. Alas, I wish I could have focused on a single syllable! But my mind kept going back and back, to my dead body in the closet. And suddenly the nightmare was around me.

 

The library seemed to close in and a terrible stench filled the air around me. I raised my head and in the darkness, I beheld myself, dead, rotten, but still starring at me through greasy eyes. Everywhere, all around me, there was me hanging. I tried to find the door, but all the walls were covered with corpses. In the end, I managed to locate it, but I had to remove a body in order to open it. With one sleeve on my nose, the other trying to find the handle, I was chocking, almost unable to breathe. I tried not to look at them, but they were there, mocking my every breath, my every movement. And then they were no more.

 

I woke up in my bed. No fast heartbeats, no feeling of a nightmare. As if I had fainted and somebody had carried me to my room. But it cannot be real, it is impossible! I know not what to think. I looked around. Morning had come, bright sunlight filled the room. I opened the closet. Only clothes. I know not what I expected to find. I put on my clothes and went for breakfast. I decided not to tell a word to my master. I’m still not convinced that this? experience was not his doing.

 

In the breakfast room, I seated myself beside him, not asking him a single thing, why he hadn’t come last night or anything. As a matter of fact, I barely spoke two words to him. I tried to get acquainted to the Blader who was sitting next to me. We spoke of trivial things, only to keep a conversation going, only to avoid the eyes and voice of Gilthanas. Once only, he leaned towards me and whispered that I had won, that he would kill no more. I coldly replied that his actions were neither my responsibility nor my business and turned again to the other Blader.

 

After breakfast, I had no desire to be alone with him. I walked around the guild, trying to engage in conversation anyone I saw idle. I thought that they would be annoyed, and indeed they might have been, but at least they were polite and gentle. The rest of the day passed uneventfully and at night I found myself unwilling to sleep, fearing to stay awake. I longed for Sirdan, for the comfort of his company, but going by myself to the city and looking around for ?Scroll and Quill? was not an option. And I certainly did not wish to ask anything of Gilthanas. Finally, I fell asleep; the night before had exhausted my nerves.

 

The following morning found me seated away from Gilthanas at breakfast. The other Bladers were surprised that I preferred their company rather than my master’s, but did not make any comment. Afterwards, I found my way to the rooftop once again, where a Blader was keeping guard. He was very polite and willing to have some company. I played some music for him and then engaged him in conversation, hoping to catch a hint about Gilthanas. Indeed, he did hint something, but rather different from what I expected. His thought was that I was my master’s mistress and all my honest exclamations of my maidenhood were affronted by a sympathetic grin. I dearly wished to know what made him think that I was in a relationship with Gilthanas and the answer I received puzzled me exceedingly. They had found my hair in his bed. I do not think that anyone else has copper coloured hair around here, at least not as long as mine, but I earnestly assured him that I did not have the faintest idea how my hair had ended up in my master’s bed. With a laugh, I asked him whether he desired that I would be examined by a physician, but he only smiled at my childish thought. Another one occurred to me then, whether he would like to bed me in order to prove himself wrong, but I did not utter such a thing. I may be changed, but I will not be so corrupted as to bed anyone for such a trivial thing. Not that it does not infuriate me to know that I am thought of as one more of his many lovers, but I know for myself that I have not, nor am I willing to bed Gilthanas.

 

The elf himself appeared at that moment and punished him with a few days in prison for talking to me. I exclaimed that it was my fault, but Gilthanas obviously did not care. He ordered me down with him and announced that our ?friends? had raped another elf the previous night. I refused having any friends in common with him and I declared that I knew not and cared not about any of those things. I must have sounded very scornful. I wished to, at least. I did not give him time to answer and I left immediately. The rest of that day passed pretty much like the last one; with me avoiding Gilthanas and getting acquainted with as many Bladers as I could. At night I felt more at ease and so slept without any interruption.

 

But the morning that awaited me was terrible! It should not have been. I made it so. Yet, if I could turn back time, I would do it again. I am not even sure that this day came to pass, it is all blurred in my head. I am not even sure if today is indeed the fifth or the fourth of Prestilo. I must wait for the night to figure that out, or dare ask anyone.

 

Anyway, when I awoke, Gilthanas came to me. He announced that he had found a college for me, where I could study music form the best teachers. He said that he had already made sure that I would be accepted and he would take the whole expense on himself. He said that he would order clothes for me and take care of everything, so that I would learn music from the best and become one of the best. I should have been happy. This was the dream of my life. I should have been thrilled, excited, thankful to my very heart. I was not. Instead of that, I felt the earth slipping under my feet. I wanted to refuse, but how could I? How could I ever tell anyone, even myself that I did not want to leave the guild? But my heart was stronger than my good sense. I thanked him and refused. I used the only excuse that came to my head at that moment; I said that I did not wish him to pay for my education. Using my pride as a helpful argument, I exclaimed that I would go to college when I would be able to afford it. He did not look surprised at my refusal. He grinned. With my heart trembling, I asked him if he was sending me there because he did not wish to be my tutor anymore. His answer was positive. My world shuttered. He wished me removed from the guild, as a matter of fact he offered me escort to the city, as soon as I would be ready to leave. I said that I would leave within an hour, but without escort. I felt numb. I do not recall what nonsense I spoke or anyone I bade farewell. The next thing I remember is the door of the guild closing behind me.

 

I did not look back, nor falter in my step. I was alone, walking the same path that had brought me to the guild full of hopes for a bright future as a bard. I felt empty of hopes and dreams now. I had left my heart behind that closed door and walked like a living corpse, like one of those that haunted me a few nights before. Only when I knew that the guild was out of sight, I looked back. And tears came to my eyes, knowing that I would never be happy or even alive again.

 

Not long afterwards, as I was wandering in the woods, not knowing where I was going, I heard footsteps behind me. I wanted to hope that it was him, but I could not. It proved that it was the gang of rapists. I laughed aloud when I understood who they were. I was beyond fear. They teased me and tried to scare me, but I knew that they could do me nothing worse than what had already been done to me. I provoked them to hurt me as much as they could and they did. Oh, they did. I enjoyed the pain, I laughed as they threw me on the ground and one by one, all three of them, raped me repeatedly. I wanted anything, even this to make me feel. It did not. It was mere physical pain, not touching my heart in the least. Afterwards, when they had finished, one of them produced I dagger from his clothes. He wanted to slit my throat but I begged him not to. Instead, I offered him my heart as a more preferable target. I wanted to be found by the Bladers with my heart torn out of my body. If there was any hope that he would feel my loss, I wanted him to feel it as strongly as possible.

 

But that was the end. As the blade moved towards me, it was all over. I woke up in my room, feeling numb. I did not go to breakfast. I cannot face him. I know not what has happened, if anything has happened. Did yesterday happen? Or is it yesterday today? And if it did happen, what am I doing here? What am I doing alive? What in the gods’ name is going on? I must find out, without seeming completely crazed. And if it is Gilthanas that is doing this to me then, by the gods, I will kill him with my bare hands!

Edited January 25, 2009 by Sonya

[constantinos]

Σόνια, συνεχίζω να διαβάζω τα χρονικά της Laira παρόλο που δεν είχα αναρτήσει μέχρι τώρα σχόλιο. Εξακολουθώ να θαυμάζω την άνεση σου στ’ αγγλικά αλλά πλέον έχω μια-δυο καλοπροαίρετες παρατηρήσεις. Σαν αναγνώστης σου λοιπόν έχω φτάσει στο σημείο να επιθυμώ μια ίντριγκα, μια γενικότερη υπόθεση πέρα από τη σχέση της ηρωίδας σου με τον Gilthanas. Ίσως βέβαια αυτή να ακολουθεί λίγο παρακάτω αλλά τουλάχιστον δώσε μας κάτι που να μας κεντρίσει. Μέχρι τώρα είσαι υπερβολικά κατά την άποψη μου κεντραρισμένη σ’ αυτούς τους δυο χαρακτήρες και πιστεύω ότι ήρθε η ώρα να εισάγεις κι άλλους που να μεγαλώνουν το ενδιαφέρον. Αυτά από μένα..

 

Τελικά τη «μαγάρισαν» την κοπέλα ή το ονειρεύτηκε (αυτό που λέμε ο πεινασμένος καρβέλια ονειρεύεται);

[Sonya]

Οι αιτήσεις σας θα μεταφερθούν στον κ. dungeon master, προκειμένου να βάλει ίντριγκα και npcs (non player characters) στο παιχνίδι, για να σας τα μεταφέρω.

 

Η ερώτησή σου είναι ολόιδια με την δική μου: έλα ντε; Το 'χασε 'η δεν το 'χασε το πολυτιμότερο; Δυστυχώς, το διαδικτυακό σέσσιον τελείωσε με τα ξυπνητούρια, οπότε θα πρέπει να κάνουμε όλοι υπομονή μέχρι το επόμενο επεισόδιο. Μπέσα, ξέρω ό,τι ξέρετε...

[Tiessa]

Βασικά, παρόλο που ξέρω από προηγούμενες συζητήσεις περί τίνος πρόκειται και ότι παίζουν λίγα άτομα στο παιχνίδι, θα συμφωνήσω με τον Constantino. Έχει αρχίσει όντως και επικεντρώνεται πολύ μεταξύ των δυο όλη η ιστορία και τώρα βρισκόμαστε και στη φάση να μην ξεχωρίζουμε την αλήθεια από το όνειρο.

Φαίνεται να την οδηγεί σε μονοπάτια παράνοιας ο dm την Laira, αλλά ελπίζω να μην καταλήξουν όλα σ' ένα παιχνίδι αναμέτρησης νοερών ικανοτήτων. Ή τέλος πάντων, αν καταλήξουν, να μπορέσει να βγει από το αδιέξοδο που βρίσκεται.

[Amandel]

Οι αιτήσεις σας θα μεταφερθούν στον κ. dungeon master, προκειμένου να βάλει ίντριγκα και npcs (non player characters) στο παιχνίδι, για να σας τα μεταφέρω.

 

Η ερώτησή σου είναι ολόιδια με την δική μου: έλα ντε; Το 'χασε 'η δεν το 'χασε το πολυτιμότερο; Δυστυχώς, το διαδικτυακό σέσσιον τελείωσε με τα ξυπνητούρια, οπότε θα πρέπει να κάνουμε όλοι υπομονή μέχρι το επόμενο επεισόδιο. Μπέσα, ξέρω ό,τι ξέρετε...

 

Τώρα που αξιώθηκα να διαβάσω όλες τις Λάιρες μια και καλή έχω να πω ''Ανδρέα ζεις εσύ μας οδηγείς''.

 

Προσωπικά θα ήθελα ίσως κάτι για να σπάει το συνεχές σε πρώτο πρόσωπο - σκέψεις ύφος της διήγησης

Ίσως και να λέω το ίδιο πράγμα με τα παιδιά παραπάνω.

Το ξέρω ότι τα ημερολόγια ή τα chronicles αυτό το στυλ έχουνε, αλλά όταν το διαβάζεις σε κατεβατό

είναι too much information πρώτου προσώπου για να χωνέψεις.

Δεν ξέρω αν υπάρχει κάποιο τρικ για να σπάει κάπως.

 

Πάντως δηλώνομεν

 

Edited January 26, 2009 by Amandel

[Sonya]

Για τρικ, βλέπω μόνο μία λύση: να παρανοήσει τόσο πολύ η φουκαριάρα η Λάιρα (και πιθανότατα κι εγώ μαζί της :Ρ) και ν' αρχίσει να γράφει για τον εαυτό της σε Γ' πρόσωπο. :Ρ

 

Το θέμα είναι ότι παίζεται μια περίεργη φάση, στην οποία είναι λογικό ένας χαρακτήρας που βρίσκεται ανάμεσα στα όρια της λογικής και του απόλυτου χάους (οκ, προσπαθείστε να φανταστείτε πώς θα νιώθατε αν βλέπατε το πτώμα σας να σας χαμογελάει :Ρ) να επικεντρώνεται στον εαυτό του και τα συναισθήματά του, κυρίως αφού μιλάμε για ημερολόγιο. Ενώ συμφωνώ πως αισθητικά και συγγραφικά θα ήταν πιο ενδιαφέρον να εμπλέκονταν κι άλλα πράγματα, να πήγαινε λίγο σε narrative η ιστορία, εν τούτοις συνεχίζουμε να αναφερόμαστε σ' ένα κείμενο που γράφει ένας χαρακτήρας για να το διαβάζει ο ίδιος, οπότε μια τέτοια κίνηση θα ήταν ελαφρώς άκυρη.

 

Επιπλέον, για να μπορούσα να γράψω κάτι τέτοιο, θα χρειαζόμουν εγώ περισσότερες πληροφορίες και σχετικά με το guild και με τον Gilthanas, τις οποίες στερούμαι και σαν Laira και σαν Χριστίνα.

 

Πιθανώς, εάν κάποια στιγμή το campaign ολοκληρωθεί, να γράψω την ιστορία από ΟΓ αφηγητή, με κομμάτια του ημερολογίου απλά σαν αναφορές. Αναγνωρίζω ότι χάνονται κατά την μεταφορά (ανάμεσα σε άλλα) και επικές ατάκες του Gilthie και ατμοσφαιρικά κομμάτια. Όμως, στην παρούσα φάση, κι ενώ ακόμα αναζητείται χρόνος για την επίτευξη ενός ακόμα σέσσιον, θα κάνω ό,τι μπορώ για να γίνουν πιο "εύπεπτα" και ενδιαφέροντα τα Χρονικά.