Guest roriconfan Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 So, Strawberry-boy (Ichigo) is beating poor ghosts in Hueco Mundo in order to save some chick, as usual. Aizen fooled him for a second time but Strawberry-boy is so dumb ass that as long as there is a chick he has to save, he doesn’t care about that. So, he predictably saves Inoue and then some unimportant Espada dude that joined him (because he was defeated in battle by Strawberry-boy and thus became his best friend/slave) helps him and his friends/stunts to return to Karakura town. A zipper opens up out of nowhere and they are magically transported back. Isn’t magic wonderful? In the skies of Karakura, Captains fight with ex-Captains and Espada. Blasts, thunders, warriors running and drifting in the air and causing dust out of nowhere, and lots of transforming swords. ESPECIALLY transforming swords. Bam, boom, laser beams level buildings, evaporate streets and kill hundreds of mook citizens of Karakura. Surprisingly, no one in the city seems to care about that and goes on doing his daily routines, without caring about his neighbors laying dead in the street or his house turning to ruble. Strawberry-boy arrives and asks: “Ugh! Me saved Inoue. Me what save now? Ugh!” His stunt friends tell him that he must stop Aizen, who pretty much is around chicks Strawberry-boy has the chance to save. So, Strawberry-boy has all the reason he needs to take part in all this mess. In the meantime, all the combatants in the sky have conveniently separated themselves into duals and fight for three episodes each. On the first episode, they just exchange pointless one-liners such as “Do you know who I am? I am stronger than you. Tell me your name you bastard! I will send you to hell.” On the second episode they pretty much waste time exchanging simple blows and wondering what kind of powers the other guy has. On the third episode, they just go Bankai and finish the dual in less than a minute of anti-climactic clash. Thus, 30 episodes of fancy but total plotless battles pass, interrupted at random times by ridiculous and non-linear to time filler episodes. The viewers of the series by the way, don’t seem to care about that and just keep staring like zombies at the pretty lights… The battle ends with all the Espada stunts being killed and all the Captains loosing (but not being killed, since no one with a name dies in this series). But then, the Vizard pop out of nowhere and fight the evil ex-Captains! The viewers consider this a major twist and nobody seems to care why these guys didn’t do anything so far. Well, this doesn’t matter as another 30 episodes of fancy but total plotless battles follow, interrupted again by ridiculous filler episodes. The Vizards win after this. Of course, no one dies amongst the ex-Captains or the Vizard. But then, it is revealed that Aizen’s body was just a Kagebushin no jutsu and the real Aizen is at the neighboring town and just completed the ritual for the sacrifice. A flash occurs, with the best visuals the budget of the series covers and the entire town is blown apart in a Full Metal Alchemist fashion! As usual, no one in Karakura notices this… “Suckers! Gocha for the third time, you idiots!” yells Aizen and crosses a dimensional portal that opened up. Our heroes rush to cross the portal and then… The anime gets close to the manga so a pathetic filler ark begins until more chapters are made… Martians or something appear out of the blue and for some unimportant reason begin fighting with the heroes. Very conveniently, they all look like samurais, have Spanish names and use transforming swords, despite being creatures from another planet. 30 episodes with more pointless battles follow up and the fans of the series can’t bare the amazing depth of the best anime of all times… Yes, of course it’s the best anime of all times. If they think so, it has to be true… Anyway, all the Martians are eventually killed and the heroes immediately get amnesiac and forget even the existence of these guys. They don’t care about what the hell they were doing all this time and simply cross the portal. Inside, Aizen found the Zero Division, which turns out to be the Christian Heaven. Again, they all look like samurais, have Spanish names and use transforming swords. Another 30 episodes pass, with Strawberry-boy traveling inside Paradise Society and meeting with the 9 teams of Angelo, the 7 Archangelo and their transforming swords. For some unimportant reason, he gets to spar with most of them. As usual, no one is killed. In the meantime, no one notices Aizen freeing archdemons and beginning a rebellion to become the new God of Earth. “Suckers! Gocha for the fourth time, you idiots!” yells Aizen and the fans are left speechless with this unexpected development, despite the fact that the same shit repeats every 60 episodes. Strawberry-boy of course doesn’t care about all this stuff. Until very conveniently, he befriends a female angel named Angelica, who immediately gets kidnapped by some demon. Thus, he has a reason to get involved and save a chick and NOT to save the day. Everyone trains in order to get stronger and fight the archdemons (who of course, since they appeared after the Espada, are logically stronger than them). Stealing the idea from Jet Li’s Hero movie, Strawberry-boy finds out another fancy way to get another pointless power-up. “The true warrior is one with his sword”. Thus he performs a Fuuusion Dance with Zangetsu and gets himself a black hairdo (since he was already blonde) Another 30 episodes of pointless battles with archdemons follow, followed by another filler ark with Ichigo’s evil step brother trying to steal a magic scroll or something lame like that. Anyway, Armageddon has befallen Earth and the world is shaking with active volcanoes, the sky turning black and the hoards of the undead coming back to life and eating alive billions of people. Still, humanity worldwide doesn’t notice all this shit and keeps living the way it does. The evil demons win, until the fathers of Ichigo and Ishida appear and beat everyone in a flash, without ever saying why the hell didn’t they do something earlier if they were this powerful. Aizen in the meantime has sat on the celestial throne, becoming a God and sending the previous Almighty to prison, as the Christian God in the series will be just a lame old dude with a Spanish name. Angelica will eventually be saved by Strawberry-boy’s stunt friend but will be asked not to let Strawberry-boy know this, as the ass will stop fighting if he sees she is safe. So, genius Strawberry-boy goes to fight Aizen and everybody else stands still and just watches, as they have no chance to defeat the bad guy if they are not the main character of the series. Aizen steals the idea by Akuma of Street Fighter and releases the demon within him. He turns Strawberry-boy into mince meat a dozen times but for a mysterious reason, the leading character never dies and keeps standing up, mentioning every time some bull one-liner about protecting his friends or something. Anyway, Hollow Ichigo asks to come out and help, along with all the rest of Strawberry-boy’s hidden unconscious personas. Thus, Black Ichigo frees White Ichigo (insanity), Blue Ichigo (sadness), Red Ichigo (fury) and Pink Ichigo (hidden homosexuality) and forms the Ichigo Rangers. Go, go Ichigo Rangers! They cross their hands and laugh like Don Kanoji and rush towards Aizen, with all their wounds being magically healed. 15 episodes of the two of them fighting and all the rest just commenting things we already watch by ourselves, Aizen is defeated and imprisoned in Hell, where he can conveniently escape if the series gets another sequel. Epilogue The world is saved and half of humanity is killed but the survivors didn’t notice a thing, thus all the trouble our heroes went by is not rewarded. Ishida becomes a gay modelist, Sado becomes an elegiac guitarist, Ichigo’s sisters open Don Kanoji’s Amusement Park and place the Espada and the Vizard in the Horror House as a very realistic attraction. Rukia, Inoue, Nel and Angelica have a catfight for whom gets to have Strawberry-boy for herself but eventually make-up and have a non-stop orgy with him, thus everyone is happy… Until they realize it was Kon inside Ichigo’s body all this time and proceed into killing him in ways I can’t bare describing to you… In the meantime, schizophrenic Strawberry-boy and his multiple personality Rangers ride towards the sundown, looking for another chick that needs to be saved, despite never really doing anything sexual with it, as Ichigo is a wuss… The end of Bleach… if the sales are low The curtain falls, the fans throw tomatoes… or is it strawberries? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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