Nihilio Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 (edited) Είδος: Tρόμος Βία; Όχι Σεξ; Ναι Αριθμός Λέξεων: 570 Αυτοτελής; Ναι ---- Urban legends. I bet you've heard plenty of them. So do I, and you know what? Never believed in any one of them. Truth is, there are a lot of them that are pretty lame. Take for example the one about the gal who met a very attractive guy in a bar (or the other way around), had sex with him only to, later on, discover that this guy either never existed or had been dead for years and years. I would laugh at it back then, when I was still ignorant. In fact, I've been reading that local urban legends site just for laughs, but what happened that night lifted the scales from my eyes. I was at o'Malley's, a pretty decent (and affordable) Irish pub sipping at my whiskey, when she came over and asked me my name. Let me tell you, she was a hell of a lass, sassy and with a body to die for. Let me not bore you with any silly details, we went to my place afterwards and had sex. She left the next morning, after I gave her my phone number and asked her to call me in case she wanted to go out again. She never called. I was put off but not devastated actually. Those things happen, especially to me. But three weeks afterwards I read a post on the urban legends site that made my blood get cold. It read: “Hello everybody, this has happened to me three weeks ago. I was at a pub and I met a guy. He was so handsome, with dark hair, green eyes, a stylish red long coat and I've had a drink too much so I went with him to his place. Next morning I left him with his phone number. I tried calling him and there was a woman on the phone claiming she did not know him. “I thought the bastard had just given me a false number, so I went to his home to confront him. An elderly woman opened the door and, when I asked her about him, she said to me that she never knew the guy. She invited me in and it was the house I've been at, only with different furniture and all. She told me a man like the one I described used to live there before she moved in. She told me it must have been ten years since then and that she had heard she was dead. “I am so freaked out.” Normally I would laugh at that cliched story, if it had not been so close to home. So I tried calling my own number and was horrified to listen to an old lady answering me. I asked her her address (which was the same as mine) and she informed me she has been lining there for nine years. So I left the apartment and knocked on my door. She opened it and greeted me in, into the appartment that was my own only differently decorated. Since then, I've tried it all. I checked my birth certificate, my drivers licence, mt bank account, tried calling my parents and my friends and guess what: have you ever heard of the gal who met a very attractive guy in a bar, had sex with him only to, later on, discover that this guy never existed? Well, let's just say I am that guy. Edited September 30, 2009 by nyheelliw Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dagoncult Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Ενώ η ανατροπή είναι βασισμένη σε καλή ιδέα, παίζει ένα μπερδεματάκι, αν σκεφτείς ότι επί 9-10 χρόνια δεν είχε συμβεί τίποτα και όλα ξεκινούν μόλις διαβάζει το ποστ στο σάιτ . Βέβαια, τούτο από μόνο του (δηλ η έναρξη των προβλημάτων, μόνο αφού διαβάζει το ποστ) αποτελεί ιδιαίτερα ενδιαφέρον θέμα, αλλά δεν μπορώ να είμαι και σίγουρος ότι είχες κάτι τέτοιο στο μυαλό σου, αφού δεν φαίνεται να το αγγίζεις με κάποιον τρόπο (εκτός, φυσικά, από την αντικειμενική παρουσίαση τού γεγονότος). Ωστόσο και άσχετα από το τι έκανε τα προηγούμενα χρόνια ο ήρωας και γιατί δεν είχε καταλάβει πιο νωρίς , η ιστορία αφήνει ένα ωραίο μούδιασμα στο τέλος και για 500 λέξεις (χωρίς πανικούς και σφαγές και τερατάρες) είναι πάρα πολύ οκ. ΥΓ1: ‘’I would laugh at it back then, when I was still ignorant.’’ -Σ’ αυτό το σημείο, σαν πονηρίδης, πίστεψα ότι πήρα γραμμή τι θα γίνει, αλλά η έκπληξη μετά ήταν πολύ ευχάριστη. ΥΓ2:Δεν έχεις κενά ανάμεσα στις παραγράφους. Κάνει το κείμενο να φαίνεται πυκνό (σαν ένας μικρός μονόλιθος από γράμματα), παρά το μικρό του μέγεθος. Μ’ αρέσει. ΥΓ3:Ίσως και να σήκωνε κάποιον άλλο τίτλο. ΥΓ4:Ακόμα και σε μικρά γραπτά, οι ιδέες σου είναι πολύ καλές. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nihilio Posted October 1, 2009 Author Share Posted October 1, 2009 (edited) Βασικά διάβαζε για τον εαυτό του και το αγνοούσε Και ευχαριστώ για τα σχόλια. ΥΓ: Ο τίτλος είναι λογοπαίγνιο πάνω στο I am legend. Όσοι έχετε διαβάσει το βιβλίο ίσως πιάσετε το πώς κολλάει. Edited October 1, 2009 by nyheelliw Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Electroscribe Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Η ανατροπή είναι χιλιοφορεμένη όπως λες κι εσύ στο blog σου κι αυτό ακριβώς είναι που του δίνει αξία ως φλασάκι. Δεν προλαβαίνεις να υποσχεθείς στον αναγνώστη κάτι που τελικά θα ξεφουσκώσει. Το λες μπα, αυτό είναι και αρκεί. +1 για την τεχνική. Τα αγγλικά σου, βέβαια, ήθελαν λίγη προσοχή παραπάνω. nihilio #4 - Legend am I.doc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northerain Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 Ο τίτλος είναι χάλια. Λυπάμαι. Σαν ιδέα είναι καλή όμως, αν και θα ήθελα να την δω σε λιιιιιιγο μεγαλύτερο χώρο (διπλάσιο ας πούμε) και με περισσότερο show don't tell. Έχω την εντύπωση ότι σου ήρθε η ιδέα αλλά θεώρησες πως δεν ήταν αρκετά καλή για να αξίζει ολόκληρο διήγημα, αλλά διαφωνώ. Θα μπορούσε να λειτουργήσει άνετα. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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