Come Winter...

[northerain]

Egrapsa mia istoria, eipa na tin balo edo, mpas kai kanei kanenas kamia kritiki.Eyxaristo prokatabolika.

 

Come winter

 

Clear blue sky above me, the sun blinding my eyes. The sound of battle and death raging around me. This is what I see and hear in my last moments, as I lay dying amongst the screaming dying, on this cursed battlefield. Two arrows protrude from my chest: my enemy's aim was true. Yet, I do not hate him nor do I resent him. Just another young boy, soon to die by another man’s hand. Young warriors like him and me rarely survive for long; I should know. I do not resent my decision to follow my brothers in war, even though I was not required to: I was not yet of age. Better to choke on my own blood than live with my father a day longer. That’s what I thought when the option of going to war presented itself to me. In war, you can become a hero, or at least gain honor and respect from your fellow warriors, your brothers-in-arms. And that would be an improvement from what I have been used to. Anything would be an improvement from what I have been used to.

When you live in a small village where everyone seems to exist just to make your life harder, where you have no friends, no one to care about you and absolutely no interest in the life of a farmer, you grow to view things in a different perspective. Hell; even my own family treated me like an outsider - something alien, something they could never understand. My brothers thought that following them to this war was the first sensible thing I ever did. And the last, they added, they would add with uproarious laughter. And now they lie dead. I saw them falling in battle one after the other. These fools that made my life a living hell and destroyed everything I loved, now burn in hell. If you believe this world is kind enough to provide such punishment to those who deserve it.

 

 

The morning sky. Not until now have I really understood its purpose or its meaning. It pictures life. When you wake to this heavenly image, you know you’re alive. Sometimes, all we have is this sky. Ask the prisoners, the wanderers and the dying what is the one single thing they long for, they live for, and will miss the most when they’re gone. Like a wise little boy once said when he was asked what he wanted to be when he grew up, and he answered ‘’I wanna be sky. Can I be sky?’ And everyone looked at him strangely, but then said nothing.

My childhood years seemed to pass fast enough, considering all my troubles. Most of this time, I spent alone in the woods and on the surrounding hills. In those places my brothers feared to venture, scared of all those myths and old wife-tales that were told in our little village. Stories of fairies, demons and dark creatures. These were the stories that led me there in the first place. It seems that sometimes, fear of the supernatural is far more preferable to mundane things like lashings and beatings. Oh how many times I imagined myself aligning with these forces of darkness to exact my vengeance. Riding on a black fiendish horse, clad in armor with all the demons of hell by my side. Up in those hilltops and under the tall trees, where the sun could not reach me, I would sit and brood. Sometimes I would be happy, sometimes sad, angry, and full of hate. Murderous thoughts took hold of my mind often, and I was frightened I might do something I would regret. And so I ran to the forest or the hills, away from them, where I was safe: Where they were safe.

 

 

Of course, these disappearances did not go unnoticed. They had found yet another aspect of my strange nature to torment me with. They often made stories of what I did whilst I was away.

Sometimes they were even kind enough to share them with our father. That earned me a few lashings every time. They especially loved the story of which I would sneak out to meet with a girl. I would not have minded, save for the fact that there really was a girl in my life, and she was rather important to me. At some point they had discovered my affection for her. It wasn't a lucky guess; it was simply idiocy. You see, once, on a cold winter night, lying in bed aside of my brothers, the usual small talk before sleep turned to girls. My oldest brother bragged about his endeavors, whereas my younger brothers tried to compete. On a sudden impulse, feeling I belonged with them, my brothers, I spoke. Made up a story about how the girl in the market seemed to like me, and sometimes smiled at me. A fairly innocent lie.

They listened, and they did not speak ill of her, nor did they mention her afterwards. They just listened. That night, I slept easily. But as I said, they did mention her often enough later. Those were the times when I tried to constrain myself not to hurt them. They teased me, filling my mind with anxieties I did not need. How they saw her talking to a boy, smiling at him, or maybe how she gave longing looks to someone else. It is one of the most hateful things, to torment a man using a woman he cares for, maybe because your weakness is now visible. Jealousy, fear of losing her and self-loathing for not being able to speak to her about how I felt were not enough to make me open my heart to her. That was a sad chapter of my life. It gets sadder yet.

 

One sad summer morning, while I was eating breakfast at the family table, Father decided to have a word with me. After he sent Mother and my brothers away, save for the eldest, be began.

“Come winter,” he said, “You become a man. Is that so?”

I nodded. It was always best to nod when father spoke.

“But to become a real man, first you must have a woman. Your brothers tell me of a girl whom you speak fondly of. Come winter, you must make her yours. You know what I’m talking about, lad? If you don’t, then your brothers will find you a girl… Don’t be ashamed. Some of your brothers did the same.

If you really think about it, all women are the same’’ he looked me in the eyes.’’A piece of meat with a hole.''

I thought of protesting, but that was not a wise course of action when speaking to Father.

Winter seemed awfully far away. Yet still, I did not expect that she would ever be mine, let alone by winter – it would be a miracle if gathered enough courage to even speak to her.

That is when my brothers decided to help me. I know not if Father had told them to, or if they had taken it upon themselves. In the end, it matters little. If I was not able to approach her, then they would, and I would speak with her as one of their brothers. And when I grew more casual around her, they would soon fade out of the picture. Brilliant plan. I did not want to go with it, but they said they would do it anyway, and someone else would have her. But I went with it; imagining one of my brothers gloating about how she felt for him, I made up my mind quickly enough.

 

 

The start was easy - I didn't have to do anything at all. My oldest brother strode up to her one morning while she was working at the market, and asked if she would like to accompany him to the dance after the May celebration. I had no doubt that she would say yes, for my eldest was the most popular lad in the village. It was unheard of for someone to say no to him. And so, she agreed. And at the day of the celebration, my brother would feign illness, and send me in his place. Perfect? Maybe. So I dressed my best and set out to the dance and my first date with the girl I loved. I showed up at the dance early. People had just started gathering, and the musicians had just begun warming up. I tried to find her, but couldn't spot her anywhere. I imagined her girlfriends advising her to show up late, and similar insecure ideas that only people who knew nothing believed in. So I waited. And after a while she did show up, flanked by two of her friends. She split with them and went off in search of my brother. After a few minutes of searching, knowing I was his brother, she approached me.

''I'm sorry, but Andrew wont be able to come tonight. He sent me to be your cavalier for the evening if you want to of course.'' I said it in a single breath, failing to sound casual by a mile.

She blinked a few times and then, with a shy smile she replied. ‘’I don't mind’’

We laughed at out nervousness. And in all, I had a good time, with a few mishaps along the way – stepping on her toes, tripping occasionally, and long pauses of awkward silence being the most frequent. She later admitted that she had been very nervous about going out with my brother, and that she preferred me coming in his stead. I didn't really know how to take that comment, but I considered it polite enough. For the first time in years, I felt truly happy as I was returning home.

It did not last long. My brothers had ''forgotten' where I was, and my father was ''worried'' .I did not feel a single lashing that night. My mind was elsewhere.

 

I was supposed to take it from there, and I did; in my own way of course. I would visit the market everyday, and each day, I would stay just a little longer, talking about nonsense most of the time. She didn’t seem to mind, and never tried to end those conversations (one-sided as they were). We would see each other after we finished our daily chores, and we would stroll through the village and talk about more nonsense. Those were surely the happiest days of my life. She didn't talk much, and sometimes she often gave me the impression that I bored her, although she would always deny it when questioned. After a while, I stopped paying attention to it. She would sometimes hang out with my brothers and I worried that they would do something to destroy our relationship. Those times I walked off to my secret places, and stayed for a while worrying. But I worried for no reason, as she seemed to pay little attention to them. And each time I cursed myself for thinking otherwise.

 

 

 

As our companionship continued, and we understood that we had passed friendship a long time ago, I relaxed greatly. My brothers torments did not touch me, all farm work that was bestowed on me seemed easy as long as was to meet her later. My fights with my brothers lessened and my visits to ‘’my places’’ lessened with them. I felt that I had betrayed my own kin, demons and fairies alike. I could not visit them anymore, because I had changed so much. These fairies and demons would not answer my calls. Their child had forsaken them. I feared to go. The only solution was to embrace my true nature yet again, with her by my side this time. If she did not want to follow me I would have too choose. So yet again, my mind was troubled and I returned to my old ways. Yet, I did not take her there, thinking she was not ready to see and understand my true self. Maybe that was my great error.

 

 

Summer passed, autumn came with its sad rainy mornings which I so desired and loved, and these I spent with her, as I found she too shared my affections. There was hope in the end...

Not all of these days I passed with her. Sometimes she preferred the company of others. I found the time to visit my old places. Alone. Once again. One of these days, I set off for the highest hilltop. I walked under the trees, my walking swift and sure. I felt them around me. Watching silently. Deciding if i was still one of them. Their child. I did not hesitate once. I had the right to venture these parts, this was my lawful inheritance. I had not betrayed them. Never. They knew. They welcomed me once again. I climbed to the highest hill. I looked down on my village. Everything seemed so small. Some of these moving dots where my brothers. One of them, her. How could this small socket of space and time cause me so much pain and suffering? I turned my back on the view. I looked the other way, at the forest lying at my feet. A cold wind lashed at my face. This is where I should be. I was not born to become a farmer, always fearful of ghosts, fairies and every god damn tax collector. But I could not do it alone. As strong as I was, I feared loneliness above anything. I turned my mind away from dreams, and to my problems. Winter closed in, and she wouldn't be mine by then. I did not wish her to be mine so soon. I could not betray her with a filthy whore. I had to stand up to my father this one time. I would endure the beating and the bitter words for her. I would not let them destroy my life this time. I had made my decision. I walked down the hill feeling free once again, the way I felt few times before. My heart was set.I passed again through the forest. Demons and fairies danced around me in circles. Now I was truly one of them. A free spirit.

 

 

The change that came over me did not pass unnoticed. My brothers felt it, and stayed off my way most of the time. She felt it too. She talked to me about it. Said that now she saw me as a real man and not a boy. I did not know if I liked this. She had become a little to open lately, granting me great freedom on her body and soul. It wasn't the girl I felt in love with. Was it just a part of her personality only I knew, or did I only now see her as she truly was? I could not decide. This new part of her enthralled me, but somehow repulsed me also. For the first time in my life, I did not know how I felt. And it was horrifying.

Suddenly, the thought of having her did not seem so utterly impossible. Judging from the last time we were alone, it was just a step away. But no. I had decided to wait, only to show to my self that I did not think so because I feared my father.

Time passed, winter had come. The snow had gotten pretty high; high enough to give me work for hours on end. Every tenant of my house seemed to anticipate my ''becoming'', maybe because the hoped on a new disgrace. When time came they would see a whole new kind of disgrace. Their own.

 

And finally, the time came. Come winter my father had said, and winter was here alright. You could tell just looking out the window at the trees bending under snow's weight, and wind's force. People scurrying around like rats in a flaming box. Their faces pale, their eyes half-shut against the wind. My father would soon expect from me an answer. If I had made her mine, or if he would have to pay a whore. Every day that passed, father looked at me over dinner, expecting me to speak of the matter at hand. And every day that I remained silent, his restlessness became more and more obvious. Until it all came down.

‘’Son, I thought we had an agreement a while ago. And yet you do not speak.What shall it be?’’

I didn’t speak. Just put my head down.

 

As father left the room, my brothers came in. They moved towards me. Something on their expressions suggested to me that I should back away from them. I grabbed a kitchen knife and backed up to a corner of the room. My voice not yet rough as theirs, I tried at least to speak with a steady voice.

''You want to stay away now. You want to stay clear away. None of you damned dogs will get anywhere near me you hear?''

My brothers did not continue walking towards me. They made a semi circle around me though, blocking any exits I could use. They weren't going to let me leave.

''Father said that if you wont be a man, you're gonna be a woman. So we're here to make sure you make the decision. There’s someone on the barn waiting for you. ’’My oldest brother said. He was walking towards me slow but steady.

’’Look, we just want what’s best for you. We want you to be a man.’’ He was trying to sway me. The knife I held made this the only possible way to convince me. I knew that had I not held the knife he would hurt me into submission. Like father always did to them, to mother. Oh how I hated them all. Them, my life, this village this whole world. My decision to make a stand against my father and his sons didn’t last very long. I dropped the knife and hid my face in my hands. I couldn’t fight them. No one should be forced to hold a knife against his brothers. Whatever the reason. As they led me to the barn, all I could think about was Her.

And then, as it always happens, the world came down over my ears. There, in the horse’s stable, was She. My brothers were all around her, she was on her knees.

‘’Here brother. Here is your whore’’ My oldest brother said with a smile upon his face. ‘’We already had her, so we opened her up a little for you.’’ They all laughed.

 

 

After it was all done, I threw her two silver coins, and was gone.

 

 

Copyrighted ktl ktl..bla bla...

Edited October 2, 2004 by northerain

[Iced-Archon]

den thn egrafes sta ellhnika, giati varieme na diavazo sta agglika

otan vro orexh tha thn diavaso kai tha po thn gnomh mou.

[Βάρδος]

Dark and brooding. Ακριβώς ό,τι περίμενα από τον Northerain.

 

Θα έλεγα, καλοστημένο και ατμοσφαιρικό. Οι τελευταίες σκέψεις και αναμνήσεις ενός ετοιμοθάνατου ανθρώπου, καθώς κείτεται τραυματισμένος στο πεδίο της μάχης.

 

Το αρνητικό του ήταν όχι είχες μέσα πολύ "tell" και λίγο "show". Θα μπορούσες να μας είχες δείξεις περισσότερα πράγματα και αφηγηθεί λιγότερα, για να κάνεις την διήγησή σου πιο ζωντανή.

 

Κάποιες λεπτομέρειες:

 

as I lay dying amongst the screaming dying, on this cursed battlefield

 

Αυτή η πρόταση χτυπά λίγο άσχημα, με τα δύο "dying"

 

Και αυτή εδώ η μετάβαση --

 

That was a sad chapter of my life. It gets sadder yet.

 

One sad summer morning,

 

--επίσης χτυπά άσχημα με το τελευταίο "sad".

 

 

Αυτιά.

 

 

Απορώ γιατί δεν γράφεις ξανά στη Γλώσσα των Θεών. ;)

[northerain]

Yxaristo gia tis apantiseis...Basika, den to grapsa sta ellinika giati den mou evgene(prospa8isa).Genika omos, grafo st' agglika me tin elpida na dimosieyto se kapoio periodiko, kai i US/aggliki agora einai safos megaliteri tis ellinikis.Anyway, exo merikes istories akoma, mporo na tis balo an endiaferetai kanenas

[Eldikinquel]

Ομολογώ ότι δεν το διάβασα και όντως είναι λίγο δύσκολο να πάρεις απόφαση να το διαβάσεις όταν είναι στα Αγγλικά. Παρ'όλα αυτά θα το διαβάσω και θα επιστρέψω με την κριτική μου. Φυσικά και να δημοσιεύσεις και άλλες ιστορίες!!! Όλες είναι καλοδεχούμενες!!!

[Drunk Elf]

Πολύ καλή και σκοτεινή ιστορία. Πολύ καλή ατμόσφαιρα. Συμφωνώ για το show αντί για tell και φυσικά περιμένουμε να δούμε και καμμιά άλλη ιστορία.

[Elsanor]

Πολύ καλό και ατμοσφαιρικό... Διαφορετικό από όσα έχω διαβάσει και αγγίζει τον αναγνώστη. Έβγαλε από μέσα μου αναμνήσεις από τότε αισθανόμουν ανασφαλής και εχθρικός προς τη ζωή και τον τρόπο που τη ζούμε.

 

Εύγε νέε μου!

[Nihilio]

Μετά από μια αναφορά του βορείου σε κάποιο άλλο θέμα διάβασα επιτέλους την ιστορία αυτή. Μου φάνηκε πολύ καλή, έτσι σκοτείνή και απαισιόδοξη που ήταν. Τα όνειρα που τσαλαπατιούνται το ένα μετά το άλλο, πραγματικά εξαιρετικό θέμα και πολύ καλά δοσμένο.

[WILLIAM]

Μια σκοτεινή και απαισιόδοξη ιστορία, καλογραμμένη ωστόσο και σωστά δοσμένη.